Movie Review : Transformers 2 – Rise of My Lunch from Earlier in the Day

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One of the good things about not having a job is that when some suggests going to see a movie at 11:30 at night, there is little reason to say no. Add to that the fact that my house\’s central air conditioning needs some valuable HVAC attention and an 11:30 at night movie sounds down right appealing.

Well, unless that movie is Transformers 2: The Rise of Expositional Dialog.

I\’ve seen a lot of bad movies lately. It happens when you\’re locked in an airplane over the Atlantic. Your crap threshold moves precipitously downwards at 33,000 feet. So the only nice thing I can say about Transformers 2: The Rise of Lowered Expectations is that it\’s slightly better than Paul Blart Mall Cop and at least twice as funny.

I admit that I did not see the first Transformers movie in its entirety. So some of the more subtle motifs and themes may be lost on me.

But this movie forces us to make some wild leaps away from reality and common sense I just was unable to make. No, not that there are have been alien robots visiting our planet for eons during their epic struggle for galactic supremacy. No, it\’s that a smoking hot Megan Fox would even give a dweebing looking Shia Labeof the time of day much less be in love with him. Oh, AND she\’s an expert auto-mechanic!?!?! Really!?!?!

I would love to tell you what this movie is about. But it\’s not really about anything. It\’s essentially 1) Robot fight 2) Megan Fox looks sexy/takes off shirt 3) Robot exposition to move the plot 4) Repeat

And when the robots aren\’t kicking the shit out of each other T2: The Rise of the Cheese Souffle treats us to a glimpse of college life that only exists in movies.

  • Even though the campus is bustling with activity from everyone moving in, Shia\’s parents are able to park right in front of his dorm.
  • It\’s the middle of the afternoon and people, like I said, are moving into their dorm rooms, but there is always a large contingent of coeds that need to prance down the hall wearing nothing but a towel, but in full makeup. That\’s just how badly they need a shower.
  • Shia\’s Astronomy 101 is not only taught by an eccentric, quirky Proffessor (Rainn Wilson). But the front row of the class is full of hot chicks in short skirts. Really???? Cause most of the 101 classes I took were taught by disinterested grad students. And the hot chicks were only in the business building. They weren\’t taking to many high science classes. And why was Einstein\’s E=MC2 formula on the chalk board? This is an astronomy class not a quantum physics class.

Oh, and Orion is a winter constellation. You can\’t see it in early September which is when this movie takes place since you just established that Shia is just entering college.

But besides all that, it\’s a great movie.

Actually it isn\’t. It\’s a pile something the cat threw up. (Thanks Norm).

  • Robot-fu
  • Tongue-fu
  • Academy Award Nomination to Director Michael Bay for making blowing up most of the planet so pedestrian.


King Wally says \”feh\”.

1 Comment

  1. My source at Stately Wemyss Manor tells me you might have understated the hotness factor in the movie.It sounds like the first one, though — some cool action scenes and also Megan Fox washing a car.

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