Pregame: I look for Dallas to bounce back and take this one 24-12.
Pregame: Today’s pregame meal is brought to you by Burger House. Mmmmmm burger.
Q1 14:50: It’s not a good sign that your kicker has to make yet another tackle. How many does he have now? Three?
Q1 14: 05: Nice sack by Spencer. You could tell he was coming before the snap. But with two officials now in the backfield, how does neither see the blatant facemask. Oh well. Good for us.
Q1 13:45: Ware almost got him. Maybe Chicago has a worse O Line than Dallas.
Q1 10:46: Jones dropped for a loss in the 3 back set.
Q1 10:09: INT. One has to wonder if there is Khardasian residue on Miles hands that kept him from holding on to that.
Q1: 8:50: There’s a whole lot of confusion on the Dallas D presnap. But somehow Chicago was more confused and false started.
Q1 8:01: Cutler may need to be scrapped of the Deathstar Astroturf before this game is over.
Q1 7:31: FG Chicago [Chi 3 Dal 0]
Q1 6:20: Sweet. Three 7+ yard runs in a row by MB3
Q1 4:41: First ball thrown to Roy Williams and he again looks clueless as to where to be on a hot route.
Q1 4:37: Chicago sniffs out the screen. After three great runs, this drive is going nowhere.
Q1 4:20: Ugh. Well that went poorly.
Q1 3:52: Is it me or is this game being transmitted in Medium Definition? The picture looks very foggy and not very colorful.
Q1 2:44: TD Dez Bryant on 62 yard punt return! The punter is still looking for his jock. [Dal 7 Chi 3]
Q1 2:44: Onside kick fail. Who’s idea was that? Chicago has nothing on Offense. Why give them any field position like this?
Q1 1:09: TD Chicago. And this is why you don’t onside kick. [Chi 10 Dal 7]
End Of the First Quarter – Chicago 10 Dallas 7
Q2 13:36: WOW Nice catch by Williams. And that was a hell of a hit he took.
Q2 11:20: Miles must have washed up between quarters as he’s made two good catches in a row.
Q2 10:15: Can someone please explain the Miller Lite Vortex bottle to me. Were there people having trouble pouring their beers out of their bottles? Was drinking a Miller Lite like drinking ketchup; you had to work it out with a knife and bang on the bottom of the bottle? Just askin.
Q2 8:16: TD Gronkowski, my good Polish brother. [Dal 14 Chi 10]
Q2 7:15: I love Demarcus Ware and I don’t care who knows.
Q2 5:50: Ugh. 59 yard completion by Knox. Dallas secondary looked way caught off guard. Cutler had so much time they must have thought he was getting sacked again.
Q2 3:40: TD Hester on a great catch. [Chi 17 Dal 14]
Q2 3:40: Bad challenge by Dallas. It’s clear on the replay Hester was dragging his right foot.
Q2 3:40: Why did Dallas stop blitzing?? You can’t give Cutler time to find his receivers.
Q2 2:24: I love Miles Austin and I don’t care who knows.
Q2 1:39: INT Chicago. Romo’s second. Another deflection. Let’s see some blitzes
Q2 0:36: Jenkins with another great play. I’m not sure I quite love him yet, tho.
Q2 0:20 FG Chicago. [Chi 20 Dal 14]
Q2 0:20: Will Dallas take a knee with 20 seconds left on the Chicago 20?
Q2 0:18: Yes!
End of the First Half Chicago 20 Dallas 14
Q3 14:51 Pam Oliver sounded like she was about to cry. Keep your chins up Pam.
Q3 14:03: I would like to write an open letter to Jason Garret. Dear Jason, PLEASE STOP FUCKING RUNNING THE WILDCAT. Yours Truly, Steve
Q3 12: 50: It’s hilarious that Roy’s defender slipped so he could catch that. Otherwise we would have seen another incomplete and bewildered looks by Roy insisting on a pass interference.
Q3 11:20: MartyB is an embarrassment to Aggie Intelligence.
Q3 10:37: FG Dallas [Chi 20 Dal 17]
Q3 8:03: The Dallas D cannot stop Chicago right now. Newman was lucky to not be called for pass interference on that deep ball.
Q3 7:55: Nice Sensabaugh tackle to force the 4th down punt. Cutler still had too much time, though.
Q3 7:55: So I had this great idea for a movie. Helen Mirren is an international assassin along with John Malkovic and Easy Reader. But it looks like it’s already been made. Seriously, people, stop going to movies. They stopped making anything worth seeing a long time ago.
Q3 6:20: DEZ!!
Q3 3:20: I know the ball was thrown behind Roy. But why even try to throw at a receiver that is so unwilling to make any kind of adjustments. They were in 3rd and long because Roy, once again, was unaware he was the hot route and didn’t realize the ball was going to him. Dear Jason, We spoke earlier about the Wildcat. I’m still not for it. But if you need to do it can you do me a little favor. STOP PUTTING ROY WILLIAMS ON THE FIELD. Yours Truly, Steve.
Q3 0:20: That was a better showing by the Dallas Defense.
Q3 0:00: Felix Jones can’t find any room to run today.
End of the Third Quarter – Chicago 20 Dallas 17
Q4 12:48: This Offense Sucks. There are tiny hints of brilliance that ultimately disappoint. Not unlike this blog.
Q4 11:00: Another good three-and-out forced by the Dallas D.
Q4 10:27: So Hamlin committed the illegal block in the back and upended Dez. If he were just a special teams guy I would be writing a tersely worded memo to Joe Avezzano insisting Hamlin be cut.
Q4 10:20: Where would this offense be without Miles Austin? The dude is always open.
Q4 9:46: Teams are no longer falling for the delayed HB draw. Let’s move on to something else.
Q4 7:23: UGH. Missed FG by Buehler. Get Eddie Murry on the blower.
Q4 5:45: It’s not comforting that Wade always looks lost and confused after and opposing offense has just torn up his defense for a big play. And, of course, I mean more lost and more confused than normal.
Q4 5:45. Season is over if Jenkins is seriously hurt.
Q4 5:40: TD Forte [Chi 27 Dal 17]
Q4 5:40: I’ve seen enough. THIS TEAM SUCKS! Wade may want to swing by the grocery store on his way home to pick up some moving boxes.
Q4 4:30: Fumble Recovered by Urlacher. Even when Roy does something good it turns bad. Seriously, get rid of him. Jerry, you made a bad trade. Let’s cut our losses. Why is he getting thrown to?
Q4 2:00: If something good is to come out of this disaster, MartyB seems to stepping up for a Jason Witten who’s sidelined with concussion concerns.
Q4 1:49: Well, he still needs to know to get out of bounds during a 2-minute drill.
Q4 1:17: FG Dallas [Chi 27 Dal 20] Buehler redeems.
Q4 1:16: This onsides kick didn’t work either.
End of Game – Chicago 27 Dallas 20
I could have sworn you had a post about how hard it is to find an actual douche bag, but maybe you were just telling me in person. Anyway, I recently purchased the Walgreens Combination Douche, Enema, and Water Bottle System for Feminine Hygene. Really I just wanted a water bottle to help soothe my daughter's gas pains. The kid at Walgreens showed me a plain water bottle for $13.99 (the exact same one in the combo system above), then said there was one with more parts somewhere. After asking someone else, he finally found the CDEAWBSFFH. Strangely enough, the bottle + a hook, tubing, pipe adapter, shut-off clamp, adapter cap, douce pipe, and enema pipe is only $11.99! I think this is just a massive social experiment to see if people will bear the embarassment of buying a douche to save $2. I'm frugal now, so you're damn right I own a douche and enema system. I made my joke about the social experiment to the kid who helped me, and he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Not sure if he has never heard the term douche or douche bag or just couldn't read or spell well enough to put 2 and 2 (or should I say douche and douche) together.
The live blogging was good, as usual, but the bonus Pokey rant was even sweeter.
Tasty enema comments. And very cost conscious. At the ass end of Sunday's installment, it's a winning blog suppository.
Was going to comment on my BFF Roy. But after reading Pokey's comment….Speechless.
Just in case anyone didn't believe me…Water BottleCDEAWBSFFH
This is my most commented post in two years. I think I have a new hook now that GILFHunting is so passe.
Pokey ranting about douchenomics is a hook?