Am I the Asshole?

Scroll this

Due largely to the light dusting of Asperger’s I no doubt have, it is sometimes difficult for me to judge accurately if I’ve been an asshole.  Thus, I must come to you, my good strong reader (s???) to make the call.

This is my story.

The other day I was mowing my front lawn.  Now before you give your summary judgment, I am not asking if I’m an asshole for waiting so long between mowings.  But thank you for your input. 

While mowing my lawn, a mid 20s-ish woman pulled up in her late model Toyota 4Runner.  She existed her car and headed into the older house next to mine.  I waved hi and and continued on with my mowing.  There is a lot of turn-over in the tenants that live in that house and I had no recollection of ever seeing her before.

A few minutes later I see a cop car had turned onto my street from Skillman and just stops in the middle of my street.  Eventually he moves out of the middle of the street when another motorist needs to get through.  With each pass of the mower over my mostly dead grass, I can’t help but notice the cops and begin to suspect something is up.  Since my front yard isn’t that big, after a few more passes, I’m done mowing and put my mower back inside.

I have a small growing oak tree, no more than a foot tall, growing in the little green area between my sidewalk and the street.  Noticing several brown leaves on the baby, I went inside for water. With a bucket of water in my hand, a police officer comes up to me and asks, “Has anyone left the house next door?”,  pointing to the old house next to mine in which the young woman just walking inside.

“No”, I replied.

“Have you seen your neighbor at all today?  Do you know if he is inside?”

“No, I haven’t seen him at all.”, I truthfully answered since I only knew that SHE was inside.

“Do you know your neighbor at all?”

“No.  I think he just moved in recently”

“Ok.  Thanks”

So here’s where I may be an asshole.  I intentionally didn’t offer up the information about the woman inside the house.  I have no reason to suspect wrongdoing by my neighbor, but more importantly I didn’t want to help the cop and here’s why. A few weeks ago, my buddy Jason (aka Pokemon) had his car illegally towed in a parking lot behind the old Blarney Stone.  There was no signage stating you couldn’t park there and Jason suspected the the lot attendant was poaching the lot and had no authority to have cars towed from the lot.  This was later confirmed by the the manager of Chichin Itza, who only have a lot attendant on the weekends. 

While his car is getting hooked up, Jason appeals to a nearby police officer.  The cop just shook his head and stated it was a “civil matter”.  After more pleas, the cop became confrontational and threatened Jason with arrest.

So while the officer was questioning me in my yard I couldn’t help but think, “You arrogant fucks didn’t help my friend when he needed your help, why should I help you?”

So, am I an asshole?  And please use this incident and this incident only as the basis for your answer.


  1. No. Cops can use their noggins to figure out their own shite. And that is horrible what happened to Pokey. Boo!

  2. If I'm limited to the contents of this post in making judgment, then, no, sir. You are not an asshole. Or asshat, even, for that matter. >:D<

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: